dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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