Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
