im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
