I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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