Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just googled if crying burns calories
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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