batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
