I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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