Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
