so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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