Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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