i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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