i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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