I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
