help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
