you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
