Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
