This is not my ceiling
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
