By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
