I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
