I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Non-Jews are for practice
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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