Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
