From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
