It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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