I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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