i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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