And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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