It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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