Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
