Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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