Is it because I queefed?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i now understand why vodka
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
