How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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