you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize