The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
