haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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