every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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