i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
