Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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