i barfeds in our rink
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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