the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
