My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
