i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're breaking my sexual little heart
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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