dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
