VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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