i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
