so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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