New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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