i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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