Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
