so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
