I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
