I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
