Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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