9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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