those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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