YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
