When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
