Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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