Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
