No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
