u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
