we're blogging at a bar
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
