Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
