It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
