He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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