swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
