I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
