you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize