im drinking this country out of the recession.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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