the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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