I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They took my balls.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
