the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
