You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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